I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
