We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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