just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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