We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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