he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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