the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
