Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
