3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
