roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
