I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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