I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
zippers are such a cool invention
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
