Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize