Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
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