I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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