so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
She bit a glass in half.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
