remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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