I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
should my penis look like a turkey
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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