we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
