That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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