The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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