I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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