Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Success! We fucked roommates!
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
