I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
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