Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
