I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
