im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
