Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
