it's not cheating when I paid for it
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
