don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
So squirting runs in the family.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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