It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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