Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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