you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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