I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
