i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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