He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
