Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Bring me that man meat
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
