That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
