with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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