That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
She told me I should be a condom model.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
