I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
