Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
