we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
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