I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
