I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Randomize
