He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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