i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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