His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
