So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
