i think my tv is drunk
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
