you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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