so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
