Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I smell like Dick and happiness
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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