Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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