Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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