You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
