Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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