Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
