while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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