Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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