is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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