So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
