If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
The uberlube is also flammable
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
