I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
