For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize