we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
