i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
There's always time for handjobs
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
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