i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
