make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
