I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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