I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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